Time to make a change
This week feels like a new start. I have decided that after five years of learning how to paint and building my art practice, it is time to make some art. I am going to turn the paintings that I am working on now into a proper body of work, and launch it on an unsuspecting world. I am very proud of what I have achieved in that time. I have learned a lot about myself as well as about value and design. I have never worked so hard and been so focussed on one thing. I think I have earned the right to go forward, and that feels good.
My new website is going to be a kind of studio diary because I want to show this practice that I have built. People are probably unaware of the amount of energy that I put into my art everyday, and I’d like to change that. Random thoughts come up in a week of painting that might be interesting to share. It’s a flexible design so it can evolve with me and bring you news of further developments.
Today I got all my small paintings out and had a look at them, balancing them on bookcases and along the back of the sofa. They are starting to feel like they belong together, although they still have a long way to go. This latest batch are more free than the last. I’ve used thicker paint and I like the differences in texture. I’m pleased with the colour in most of them. How I work is to keep playing around until what I see as a story emerges and then I follow that. A lot of these have at least the start of an idea to follow. I work on them all at once and I want to bring them all up together. They give me ideas about how to move each other forward. So the fact that I don’t know how to finish them now is not a problem, unless I forget this and get impatient with them.
I am also thinking about making changes in my life in order to accommodate my plans for my art. It feels a little vulnerable to disturb the established order of things, even though I am not really a fan! I have to accept some truths about how I ended up here. I no longer feel able to accept situations that make me feel miserable and unworthy. I know I need to forgive myself but I find that difficult. It’s easy to feel weighed down by these feelings and not do anything at all. I have decided to let go of everything that is holding me down and rise to the surface of the water. Things need to change in my life and so I am declaring an art emergency. I am going to channel all this energy into the new direction, into making art, and not follow the old grooves. New beginnings should feel wonderful, a sudden burst of creative energy, all systems go. But change doesn’t always work like that. It’s rarely instant, and it comes with challenges. I have to be patient with my little paintings and with other things in my life too. Painting goes through stages, lay the path to where you want to go. Be playful along the way. It will be worth it. It’s harder to make a new start in November. There is not enough light for me to thrive, I’m not into festive, and it’s really rather cold. But why wait for January? The darkest hour comes before the dawn. Exciting times.