Without a map.

We are getting to the heart of the mission here. How to make a great painting when you start it without a plan. This is actually only half the question. The other half is what sort of painting do you want it to be? If you managed the first part, how would you know?

This goes to the question of what do I like to do as a painter, and what I was talking about when I said I wanted to get rid of anything that wasn’t that. How to set up the conditions for those moments when something happens that makes you grin madly.

There are things that I can already do. I can make the design work, it might take me some time to look for it but I know when it’s right. I can lead the eye around a picture. I can set up rhythms of colour. I can build something up with brushmarks, but I’m looking for something else. I want some structure.

I love the vibe of these boards and they were a breakthrough for me, but I feel vaguely dissatisfied with them. Things float in space but they don’t really create any. I feel in a way that although I’ve pushed it, I can already do this.

These boards have more shape, but I’m not sure they’re my shapes, and they would need to go further. I am still trying to find a process by which the painting will emerge as result of building up layers. I feel that I get to a certain stage and then stop, not wanting to paint over what I’ve got.

This series of panels has taught me so much, but I guess I’ve got a long way still to travel. I’m going to keep banging the rocks together until I find what I’m looking for.