What exactly are you trying to do?

I have been working on some larger canvasses recently which are 60x60 cm. This week I have reached a point. I’m happy with where they are, but I know it’s not enough. So I am frustrated with them but I’m also scared to do something that might damage them. Resistance is futile, but it is definitely setting in. I have been going back to my vision board and my little spider diagram of all the things that I want my work to be and trying to marry that to what I have actually painted so far. The gap is not that big. I can see clues in some of the paintings that I could follow. I’m most worried about losing my experiments with colour and value which I think could lead somewhere quite serious, in favour of something kind of pictorial. To end up illustrating the idea instead of finding it? Or something. These moments of agitation are supposed to be a sign that the next step forward is about to happen, and I’m holding on to that belief. I usually get out of them by realising that I have become too outcome focused, again. But as the canvasses get better it’s much harder not to be.